Friday, August 11, 2006

Seasonal Heart

Old Sol claims the sky by day, sweetening the fruit for the harvest moon; in your eyes I long to see a desire for my heart, Leaves begin to turn, soon the air grows crisp and chill, the sun grows aloof; but you gift me with no smile and hope withers in my breast. Snow blankets the ground, breath hangs upon frigid air and ice rules the day; like frost you chill my passions. I no longer seek your charms. Tender leaves unfurl, life reaches toward the sky and timid blossoms bloom; your interest in me only flares as my passion for you wanes. CLA The poem I have written is called a Renga. The three verse couplings are haiku and have a 5-7-5 syllabic pattern. The two connecting verses each have seven syllables. Together the four seperate haiku, linked by the 4 seven syllable verses (which together form their own poem) become one poem, complementing each other and adding greater depth and meaning the whole. Further contraints on the art form include the necessity of mentioning the moon in the third verse, flowers in the 19th verse, and love as part of the theme. This is my first attempt at creating a Renga. You may heap praise upon my head for doing so well. (If you have any other opinion please feel free to keep it to yourself!) I would like to thank Nea, proprietor of The Southern View. You write such beautiful prose that you prompted me to lift my quill again and make a few scribbles of my own. Folks, if you are into poetry, photography and gardens, you want to stop by Nea's place and soak up a little Southern charm. Maybe she'll enchant you into writing poetry, too.

10 Comments:

Blogger QUASAR9 said...

Love it Charlene

Have you ever looked up in the morning and seen both discs in the Sky, the white full Moon still visible in the pale blue sky, blue from the rising golden Sun.

I have caught it once or twice before on Jesus Green here, and this poem just created an instant flasback to that morning, so much so that I shall go and take a look.

As the Sun flares & tries to chase she seems to fade in the daylight, only to show herself in the night, and when the Sun comes round again and see her, his passions again flare, and yet she slips away again from his grasp ... never to embrace.

Do you think the Sun & Moon shall ever embrace Charlene

8/11/2006 10:43:00 PM  
Blogger QuillDancer said...

Q -- there is an African legend that explains why the moon will forever chase the sun through the sky.

In truth I was thinking of a "gentlemen" who lead me a merry hot/cold chase for quite some time. He was most attentive when I was least attentive. It was rather like riding a roller coaster while blindfolded. I never knew when the world was going to drop out from under my feet -- or sweep me off my feet.

8/11/2006 11:18:00 PM  
Blogger goldennib said...

Here I am heaping. I really felt the ups and downs of the relationship. I can't believe this was a first try. I really enjoyed it.

8/12/2006 02:37:00 AM  
Blogger Rob said...

Great effort Quilly. I truly enjoed it! Hopefully you will find inspiration and share it with us more often!

8/12/2006 10:37:00 AM  
Blogger Nea said...

Wow, Quill if this is a first attempt at Renga I think you should be patting yourself on the back.

As you know from reading my poetry, I follow no set patter or form......sometimes I rhyme, sometimes not. mostly because my poetry is only a journey not a story.

And this is also, I can feel it.

I could feel the give and take, the push and pull.

Your poem reminded me of something my brother once said about a girl he was persuing, "I really wanted her, needed her, and she ignored me........it was a challenge, when I got her attention and she started wanting and needing me, I was no longer interested, their was no challenge left." I wonder if that is what you are up against. Needless to add, my brother has never been married.

thank you for everything, to much to mention here.... :):)

8/12/2006 03:21:00 PM  
Blogger goldennib said...

You have inspired me. I used to write poetry when I was younger, including Haiku, but I never tried a Renga. I am working on one now. I'll let you know when it's done.

8/12/2006 06:14:00 PM  
Blogger bobby713 said...

Just to let you know I visited your recent blog. In the second verse..."in your eyes I long to see
a desire for my heart,"

I counted only 6 syllables.
If I may edit it...I would love to put or add another syllable like...

"...a (sweet) desire for my heart,"

Your attempt is a good one though
and the flow of themes superb!

Keep it up!

Just a poet passing by...

aastep11

8/12/2006 08:14:00 PM  
Blogger betmo said...

http://betblue.blogspot.com/2006/08/flower-of-life-summer-2006-renku.html

this is my first try. let me know if you think it is ok.

8/12/2006 08:21:00 PM  
Blogger QuillDancer said...

Aastep -- thanks for the check, but the line is seven syllables. I think your miscount coul dhave come from de-si-re (3 syllables). However, had I counted wrong (and I have been known to) your fix would have been a good one.

8/12/2006 09:15:00 PM  
Blogger goldennib said...

As a person who counts obsessively, all of this counting makes me giggle.

8/13/2006 09:42:00 AM  

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