Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Curves -- Day 5

Liar's Contest still in progress. So far I have no takers. I am trying to decide if this means all my friends are upstanding citizens unable to tell a lie -- or if it means I have no friends..... myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics --stretch in --thrice around the outside --stretch out Today someone, in an attempt to be well meaning, insulted me. He overheard a conversation (we weren't trying to be private), interrupted and asked if I'd just said I was attending a gym. I confirmed. With great enthusiasm he said, "Good! I want to also tell you, you should not eat. Stop eating!" I stopped him -- actually not very politely. I assumed the talk-to-the-hand pose and told him that his instructions on how to manage my weight would be more apt to make me stop exercising. Why is it that people assume if you have extra weight you do not have feelings and they can say anything they please? Last Christmas season somebody actually said to me, "That's the biggest butt I"ve ever seen." I responded, "It's not near as startling as your manners." (I believe that squelched her theory that fat people are too dense to know they are being insulted.) And finally, an observation about exercising in general: I have noticed that when a half-dozen ladies start bebopping to "Pretty Woman," the oxygen gets sucked out of the room much faster than the ventilation system can pump it back in.


Blogger Donna~K said...

LOL @'not near as startling as your manners'. Daniel's ex-wife used to make many comments about my weight until one day, sick & tired of it all I said to her 'I may very well be fat, but I can loose the weight - you, on the otherhand, will always have that face!' She has never made another commetn about my weight. I guess insulting someone is fun for some until they are insulted back. :)

8/09/2006 11:25:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I truly wanted to join in your contest but the 150 words scared me general idea for the story ran along the lines of first meeting the artificial insemanation donor of your mother's, etc.. then later the 5 lb. bundle that would someday become the you of today. But, like I said, the 150 words spooked me. xoxooxo C

8/10/2006 01:13:00 AM  
Blogger QUASAR9 said...

No getting away from Physics:
"air sucked out of the room"

And what would happen if they played Olivia Newton John's
lets get physical, physical...

8/10/2006 03:33:00 AM  
Blogger Dr.John said...

Liars Contest
I first met Quill Dancer at McDonalds. She was standing on top a table dancing. This seemed such an odd thing to do that I had to ask her why she was doing this. She said " I'm quilldancer and I dance wherever I go". Well that sounded good though I thought just maybe she had had a bit too much to drink.That will get you up on the table all the time. It could have been taht new McDonalds coffee. But she came down from the table and we had a nice talk. Now we are good friends. But I still won't drink that coffee.

8/10/2006 06:43:00 AM  
Blogger Neoma said...

You have friends Quill, I am one of them, and I have been thinking, but I have a hard time "coming" up with stuff, things have to just kind of bounce out of my head. If something bounces...I will try and catch it and get it down. Everything I came up , sounded like a lie.....haha. I have a hard time lieing, my Grandma will hit me........all the way from her grave. She is that powerful.

About the weight thing......arggggggggggggggg NOT a topic that I think anyone should comment on really....unless with love and sympathy. NO ONE knows the individual struggles a person goes through, And everyone's struggle is individual. For some of us, exercise and NOT eating is NOT that simple.

My worst critic is my MOM, believe it or not. She is unmerciful, she is a stick woman, and thinks everyone should be stick people. And my brother conforms nicely to her stick family. I on the other hand inherited the Native American genes from my father, and stick people have to starve. (I did for the first 40 years.) I have done the starving. It was a bit painful. I am not morbidly obese, just kids call me fluffy. I can live with that. Anyone comments about my weight now, and I tell them, you got a problem with weight, go visit my Mom...... she will help you try and make me feel bad......

8/10/2006 08:54:00 AM  
Blogger Charlene Amsden said...

Tell your mom if she wanted you to be skinny she should have given you a different set of genes.

I look just like all of my father's sisters. Definately genetic -- and even when I was thin I wasn't "thin" because I carry a good amount of muscle mass.

My step-mother put me on a very strict diet when I was 15. I weighed 125 pounds so you know I wasn't fat. One day after track I had to be scraped up off the library floor. Coach insisted my parents take me to the doc. Doc told my step-mom she was starving me to death. My step mom said, "Look at her butt and thighs!" Doc said, "Solid muscle. She has very little body fat."
sigh Oh to hear those words again ....

8/10/2006 09:02:00 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Quilly: You so do have friends. OK let me think, how I met you....

It was at Devi's Corner...I was hungry and it was convenient (although like notorious for being the worst place in Bangsar for bag and phone snatchers), so I rocked up, ordered my roti canai and settled down with my book. And then I looked across and there you were, reading the identical book (The Secret Lives of Supposedly Asexual Bugs) and I thought, hey, what are the odds? So I caught your eye, we smiled at each other and then we started talking table to table (very rude I know, but this is Malaysia and you have to be loud to be heard especially in Devi's Corner) and then I discovered we shared a love of gridirons and again I thought, hey, what are the odds? So anyway, like any good blog addicts, we exchanged URLs and here were are. (OK Justin was somewhere in there too, but I can't remember where - and he did say something about separating us because we got so engrossed and left him out of the conversation)

8/10/2006 09:20:00 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

I love love love the

"Yes I am drunk and you madam are ugly, but I shall be sober in the morning" response.

Good on yer, mate!

8/10/2006 09:24:00 AM  
Blogger Charlene Amsden said...

Thanks Jenn and Dr. John.

Hey, world, I have two friends! Yea!

8/10/2006 09:31:00 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

What do you mean you don't remember coming to Malaysia?

I said: "OK I grant you the smog and the rude drivers and the brusque shop assistants, but underneath it all, don't you think we are a very warm people?"

And you rolled your eyes and said nothing.

It was a very touching moment. (flicks a furtive tear)

8/10/2006 09:40:00 AM  
Blogger Neoma said...

Ah Quill, but don't you know, EVERYTHING was my Dads fault. haha, My Mom takes NO responsibility.

Oh Quill that makes my stomach turn what you Step Mother did to you. She not only hurt you deep down, I am sure, but medically what she did no doubt added to your problems. Let me tell you what the Dr told me about my overdieting. "Once you down below 1000 calories a day, you are eating way to little." He said, "everyone has the thrifty gene, some it seems more pronounced than in others, but if you diet, your body thinks you are in a famine, yes you might lose some weight, if you have weight to lose, in your case you didn't, but once you begin to eat again, your body says....kick in thrifty gene, to store and stockpile calories for when see the next famine. Once your thrifty gene is activiate, which starving yourself does, then afterwards everything you eat turns to fat. This is the bodies way of preserving itsself. the Dr told me my 700 a day calorie diet did me a lifetime of damage. I did that for six months, yes I got down to 130....but then you have to live in a stavation mode for the rest of your life. Rather impractical if you want to live a long life. Your body will literally canabalize your muscle mass if it doesn't have any fat to eat. Well this is what my Dr. told me, if someone disagrees, it is okay, I personally do believe it. I won't ever diet below 1200 calories again. He says this is why people always gain their weight back. I did.....and quickly. I was never really fat, but I had a large bone frame, and muscles. But some people just never cut you any slack, do they.....

8/10/2006 09:43:00 AM  
Blogger Neoma said...

Quill, I am an utter failure, I love you dearly, but I have tried and tried to make up a tall tale, and I just can't.......forgive me sweetie......

8/10/2006 09:47:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can not believe those people were so rude! I am in shock! I have some words coming to mind that are not pretty. So I will just stop here! LOL!

Have a good weekend!

8/10/2006 09:56:00 AM  
Blogger Lori's Minute said...

I missed the last two posts because when I went to your page all I got was the sidebar (not a lie by the way).

Interesting about the comment made by the not too bright person and I liked your response.

What kind of comment is that anyway, Stop eating??????? Hello?????We have to eat! People should realize if they say what helps them, they might be more receptive to others such as "You know what I do? I walk four miles a day" or "I switched from regular soda to diet soda and dropped 30 pounds).

8/10/2006 10:33:00 AM  
Blogger Nessa said...

I just love your come backs.

I thought we had until the 12th. I will supply the requested lie, um story, TRUTH, shortly.

8/10/2006 11:07:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The FIRST Time I Met Quilldancer

The last time I visited Las Vegas, I passed a hot dog stand where a showgirl stood holding a sign which said, “The end is near.” Hair decorated with quills and wearing a tutu, she pirouetted in circles while singing, “What’s New Pussycat.”

When she noticed I carried a basket brimming with Catnip, she fell in step beside me. She offered to trade her sign for the herbs. Being tired of carrying the catnip anyway, I gave it too her for free.

She took me to see Andy Warhol on stage as a thank you. We drank tequila all night long and had tofu burgers for breakfast.

As the sun set that morning, I asked her name.

“Quilldancer,” she said.

“And what is the meaning of your sign?”
“Wayne Newton’s career is almost over and he wanted to give advanced warning, in case people wanted to see his final show.”

8/10/2006 11:24:00 AM  
Blogger Nessa said...

Hey, I'm not anonymous, I'm me.


8/10/2006 11:25:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I met Quilldancer in the Jumbo Bar in Nakhon Ratchasima, Thailand in December 1996. She was queefing ping-pong balls with such aplomb and temerity that Rama IX himself was summoned for a Royal Command performance.
I supplied the balls you see.

Bil Pud

8/10/2006 11:48:00 AM  
Blogger Bill ~ {The Old Fart} said...

Her name was Quilldancer, a Romantic, who had come to Corsica in search of Bandits. Rather like those women who venture into the desert to look for rattlesnakes.

She found me in the mountains, hiding from the Lime Green Lollypop Girls at the time. I came to like this girl, we became blogging buddies and exchanged comments on each other's blogs.

Twelve years later Quilldancer invites me to go for a ride in her Dodge Dart. She takes me to Las Vegas and promises me I will make a Million. She says I looked like Jerry Lewis but said I'd be nothing without Dean. She waw correct.

This is how I met Quilldancer, the lie isn't a total original, but all writers get an idea from someone else.

With thanks to Ian Fleming for the inspiration for the lie - read On Her Majesty's Secret Service.

Enjoy your lie

8/10/2006 06:22:00 PM  

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