SPLAT!

Some days you're the windshield; Some days you're the bug. Today I thought I was the bug. First there's the weather. The storm didn't break and it is impossibly humid here. At 105* it is like living in a pressure cooker. I stepped out of the shower and could not dry off! I finally gave up the towel and went in the livingroom and stood in front of the fan. The swamp cooler -- which works on evaporation -- doesn't help much when it is humid. The air is already saturated so when it is pulled into the cooler it doesn't soak up any of the cold water -- not that the water is cold anyway. My pipes here are above ground and hotter than that really hot place (sorry, can't write it, my sister will faint). So -- off I go to Home Depot to buy a real air conditioner before the cats and I die. The good news is, there is a sale on air conditioners. Yay! I grab one, pay for it and take it home. Once home the phone rings. A friend. We talk FOREVER. The neighbor comes over to see if I have the air conditioner set up. She stays FOREVER. I cook and eat my dinner while blogging (no gravy). After dinner I finally get to the air conditioner. Imagine my surprise when I open the box and find an air conditioner -- in PIECES. Not only that, the grills are dusty, and the pads are obviously used. I grabbed the receipt. I hefted the box and lugged it back out to my car. I drove to Home Depot. I took the box from my car, hefted it into a cart and wheeled it to the return stand. A fresh-faced cutie-boy maybe 20 years old sees me coming and starts shaking his head. I notice his badge says MANAGER. He greets me with a bright smile and says cheerfully, "Sorry. No exchanges or refunds today." I smile back and tell him, "Then you'd better go ahead and dial 911 right now." He roars laughing. Then he says, "Okay, Lady, I guess you're serious. Whatcha got in the box?" When he looked in the box he quit smiling and looked at me in surprise. He looked at my reciept again. He says, "Who did this? These are returns!" He looks the box over, mutters something about morons, and puts a big red routing tag on the top. In no time at all I was out the door and on my way home with a brand new -- intact -- air conditioner. The cats and I like it so far. So, I guess that means I was the windshield.